Saturday, August 25
so. work is taking up too much of my time these days. and it will continue to do so for the next weeks. as a result, i am mopping the living room floor at eight on a saturday morning. i would rather be doing something else but with a little imp enthusiastically rolling all over the floor one has to keep up some standard of hygiene. i nurse him to sleep and get back to the office. i let whoever is at home with him call me at work as soon as he wakes up from his naps because i do not want him to be without me during all my extra hours. balancing things out takes up my energy. there's not enough time left for boyfriend, for housework, for grocery shopping, for friends, for books, for family, for being lazy, for anything else. i know it has to be different. at the end of every day, i want to look back to love what i have done and the way i have done it. whereas now, i'm just happy i have made it through.
Friday, August 24
after a workweek of almost fourty hours, it is now time for some nice and futile stuff: a few pregnancy remnants and a few more lush products.
~ lush the olive branch shower gel ~ i got this for myself as a christmas present. still a shame of the watery texture, but so comforting and luxurious.
~ weleda pregnancy oil ~ i finished two of these bottles during and after my pregnancy. gentle and all natural.
~ palmer's body lotion anti-stretch marks ~ also finished two of these giants during and after my pregnancy. good stuff.
~ lush ocean salt face scrub ~ ouch, this hurts! it contains big, sharp-edged chunks of sea salt. despite the lovely summertime-cocktail-on-the-beach-scent, this was not a winner.
~ lush maple taffy lip balm ~ i think this was a special holiday edition. sweet-scented and extremely durable, as all lush lip balms are.
~ weleda baby belly oil ~ initially used for little imp's achy colicky tummy, and then finished by me as a body oil once he grew out of the colic (thank heavens).
Thursday, August 16
Tuesday, August 14
being a mother. sometimes it makes me stop to take a look at myself in the bathroom mirror. who am i again? before i was somebody's mother, i was so many different persons. and now my life is wrapped around the little person to whom i gave life. i became his mother one cold friday evening in december in a room full of bright lights and women who had seen many girls before me turn into mothers in that unforgettable instant of pain and effort and all that's indescribable. the moment he left my body and became a person all his own, i was not the most important person in my life any more. that is who i am. it is not all i am, but without it i would be nothing now.
Sunday, August 12
nail polish, nail polish remover and breastfeeding are not a good combination (courtesy of the nasty ingredients that eventually make it into the milk). so i gave up polishing my nails. but i still miss it. and then i stumbled upon this: nail polish and remover without the bad stuff. i paid a small fortune but it makes me happy. so i decided it was worth it.
Thursday, August 9
this little snail took half the day to cross our garden, and it's not even a big garden. then i decided to take a day to do everything a bit slower. sort of an experiment. i guess it's called mindfulness and i think it suits me well. although it primarily made me realise how tired i feel...
Sunday, August 5
my summer holidays are over, and i finished this wonderfully funny, easy and perhaps not totally worthy of the label literary novel at the end of it. it will always be linked in my mind to scorching hot days in a garden surrounded by pastures with lazy cows, and me stealing minutes during little imp's naps to read just a few more pages. now it's pouring with rain again, i am bracing myself for a ridiculously busy time at work, and little imp can have his way with my lovely holiday novel and eat it.
Friday, August 3
i am very skilled in travelling light: i can carry all i need for a good three weeks in one backpack that is still tolerably carriable all day long. but now that i did not have to travel light, i seized the opportunity. such a luxury to be able to bring everything you may want to use when you are not used to packing that way. we just shoved it all into the huge trunk of our fabulously trashy car. it resulted in a bathroom drawer full of nice stuff. and no, i did not use it all. not by far. but who cares.
Wednesday, August 1
when i write a poem about a place where i am staying, i sometimes copy it on a small piece of paper and hide it somewhere where people may or may not find it. who knows who may read this one unexpectedly some day.
the - quite literal - translation of the poem pictured:
my tender son of seven months
we travelled to the south
the saturday evening bells were chiming
over the donkeys and the apple trees
you cried for your own bed
you wanted everything just like home
we picked summer flowers
we showed you the poppies, the sparrows, the blackbirds
we carried you through the singing fields
you sighed yourself to sleep on my breast