Friday, September 28
so, obviously, things had to change. as of october, i am cutting my work hours for the foreseeable future. the calm that has come over me with only the thought of it is incredible. but what i love even more is the way in which it already makes room in my head for the little things that i love so much. being creative. pottering about. how i am looking forward to my mondays. let's hope this was the final blog post with this title.
Thursday, September 27
being a mother. a good, sensible, funny mother at that. being a colleague. a hard-working colleague who gets everything done in time and with a smile on her face. being a girlfriend. with everything that entails. being a family member and friend, making sure we all get to see each other often enough and have a valuable time when we do. doing the shopping, keeping the house clean, making appointments for whatnot. getting enough sleep, reading a book every now and then. sometimes i can hardly find the time to take a shower, let alone do all those other things right.
i should weed the garden and water the plants. my nails need clipping, little imp's nails need clipping. i have to sterilize the bottles and i should have bought bread. there's laundry to be folded and i have to find little imp a new sleeping bag. and i need to pee.
Tuesday, September 25
the results of two months of working too hard:
a guilty mother
a happy boss (presumably)
a messy house
an empty feeling in a place inside of which i do not know the name
note to self: do not do this again.
Thursday, September 20
it might sound silly, but this is what made me happy today: little imp and i took a walk through town and i managed to buy four things i needed for under five euros total (not in the store that is pictured by the way, i just looked around gaping in amazement at all the stuff when i was there): a rain cover for the stroller, a bottle brush, dental floss and hand cream (really nice hand cream actually). i might have been slightly influenced by the episodes of extreme couponing that i have been watching online during pumping: the amounts of money people manage to save are unbelievable. well, it took some time and some searching, but it was much fun. and it took my mind off work.
Sunday, September 16
i'm reading this book about attachment parenting (pretty much one page at a time). some of it makes sense to me, some of it keeps me slightly awake at night from wondering which is the right thing to do, some of it amazes me in all kinds of ways and some of it i do not agree with at all.
well, the one thing it definitely does: it makes me think about the way in which i want to parent. which is always good.
Thursday, September 13
i'm still in that great postpartum hair loss stage. so i'm trying out hair stuff among other things...
~ andrélon dry shampoo volumising ~ regardless of the fact that it worked quite well, i seriously suspect this spray can of setting off the smoke alarm at three in the morning. so when i found it suddenly empty the next morning and connected the dots, i switched back to good old talcum powder. one thing (well, one little person that is) interrupting my sleep is enough for me.
~ priorin hair growth supplement ~ the hair loss itself has not really diminished yet, but i do notice quite a lot of new small hairs. so i dug into my wallet for a second box of this...
~ l'oréal elvive volume collagen shampoo ~ fine, but nothing special.
~ andrélon care & repair hair mask ~ this was good, it made my hair soft. but mostly, the idea of doing something extra for myself was what made it nice to use this.
~ weleda almond oil ~ i have talked about this one before, it is so easy and gentle for removing make up.
~ hema strawberry soufflé cream scrubgel mask ~ quite a long name for a simple face mask, but i really liked this one. made my skin look rosy and healthy.
Sunday, September 9
the ninth day of the ninth month of this year. little imp is nine months old today.
the female body is said to need nine months to fully recover from pregnancy and labour. and although part of my body still belongs unequivocally to little imp in my mind, i found the physical recovery to go quite fast. my body doesn't look altogether like it did pre-pregnancy, and perhaps it never will again, but i am surprised by how much i don't mind. so my belly is a bit flabby. because it was home to a baby. isn't that the best reason for some not-so-toned body parts and a belly button that doesn't look like it used to?
in this picture, little imp is barely four hours old. i remember looking and looking at him in amazement (and a strange kind of exhaustion), and wondering about basically everything, and surprisingly i also remember how both his and my body felt so familiar and all as they should be, right from the very beginning.
Thursday, September 6
yes, i'm still here. but i don't have time for anything except a quick few words. little imp and work, that is what life looks like still. and sometimes even in reverse order, which makes me feel terrible and guilty. and surprised, because i never thought i would let it come to that. time to change things.
Sunday, September 2
they are called mint tea mothers: a newly coined phrase for women with children at day care and without jobs. i'm sure they have heavenly amounts of time to spend just as they please. they are despised by working mothers and stay-at-home mothers alike. while the working mothers are frowned upon by the stay-at-home mothers and vice versa.
basically though, we all do the same. we try to raise well-attached and blooming children to the best of our abilities. it's the hardest and the best job on earth (as we are always so romantically told). why make it even harder by wasting our energy on all this judging and condemning. does it ultimately make any one feel any better?